Like a Moth to a Flame

What makes someone attractive?  Everyone looks good with a smile.  When you see someone smile it calms the soul and makes you feel like everything is going to be okay.  There is something primitive about that.  But that’s good looking, not attractive.  Being attractive means people are drawn to you.  What makes someone want to be around you? We all want to be attractive, but its not just how we look, is it?  One example I can think of is when I was in high school.

We must have been 16 years old.  My long time friend Mike C and I were at the local convenience store, Honey Farms.  C and I have a deep friendship.  We grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same schools, and hung out with the same people.  We spoke the same language.  Anyway, we stopped at the Honey Farms to get some Twinkies or something.  The C just got his driver’s license and we were enjoying the freedom that went with it.  We were in a good mood.  A really good mood.  Yelling at each other from across the store, making jokes and cracking on each other.  We were not being offensive, and we weren’t being loud, we were just bringing a lot of positive, fun energy to the room.  The other customers were laughing with us, one of them even added to a joke.  They wanted to be involved. I noticed they were even starting to move closer to us.  We were literally attracting people to us, like a moth is attracted to a flame. I remember thinking we were attractive because of our behavior and not how we looked.  We were far from good looking; two gangly puberty victims with faces loaded with zits.  People were attracted to us because we were happy.  

A few years ago, I lived in Hawaii.  My best friend and I would regularly have dinner at one of the most expensive steak houses in Waikiki.  We’d sit at the bar, talk with the bartender, and have dinner.  Every time we were there, we’d be so happy, smiles from ear to ear.  The bartender looked forward to or arrival, and clear seats for us, VIP style.  After a while we stopped paying, everything was comped.  It wasn’t a marketing move and it wasn’t to get us to come back.  We weren’t tourists or celebrities.  They would dismiss hundreds of dollars for our dinner.  This was because we were happy, having fun, and they wanted us to return.  The power of attraction.

When we want to know what someone looks like, we usually look at a picture, but that is not accurate. A picture is an image of someone from a fraction in time.  That does not encapsulate who they are.  When you think about what an important person looks like, you don’t imagine a single image.  You think about how that person makes you feel, how they sound, and multiple memories all crammed in.  You may even crack a smile when you think of them, especially a loved one.  That’s because you’re thinking of more than one moment in time, you’re thinking of all of them at once.  That’s truly what they look like and what makes them attractive.

I saw an older couple the other day.  They seemed so in love, and happy with each other.  They didn’t see each other they way the rest of us do.  When he looks at her, he sees her smile when their dog did a new trick, or the strain in her eyes when she was upset and he helped her through it, or the way she looked at him on their wedding day, leveling him.  He doesn’t see a elderly person, he sees all the memories at once, he sees an attractive woman.  Its like the more memories you have with someone the more attractive they get, that’s how relationships strive.  

The way to attract is to be good looking on the inside.  It’s how you feel and make others feel.  If they feel comfortable with you, they will want to be around you, like a moth to a flame.